Remember Names Even When You’re Wasted

83% of Americans report that they are “bad with names.”

It’s a problem in the professional world, and arguably an even bigger problem in college social life. We meet so many people all the time that it’s impossible to keep track of them all. Especially when alcohol is in the picture, these people are lucky if you remember their existence, let alone their name. Now I know that you’re awesome, and these people are puny and insignificant compared to you, but every person you don’t remember is one less friend/job connection/hookup.

Lucky for you, over the years I’ve discovered some easy ways to remember these people. Or at least pretend you remember them.

Say my name say my name
Best way to remember someone’s name is to actually use it. Most names that get forgotten are forgotten within the first 8 seconds. If you say the person’s name once or twice while you still know it, your chances of remembering it are exponentially higher. If you meet a guy named Charlie, instead of saying “nice to meet you” or “get off my foot, asshole”, say “nice to meet you Charlie,” or “get off my foot, Charlie.”

Pay attention
Most names get forgotten because we’re just not paying attention. People say their names and it goes in one ear and out the other. At the beginning of the conversation, when most names get said, you don’t really care what their name is. You have no reason to believe that they are worth remembering yet. But even if they never prove to be interesting, dull people can still be very useful to know.

Plus, people will just like you more if you remember them, and the more people that like you, the more people will have sex with you. So, when you’re meeting a new person, take a second to look at them. Identify a facial feature that makes them stand out and register it. I say facial feature because, believe it or not, more than one girl has huge boobs, and they don’t like being confused for each other on that basis.

Hey, You, good to see you too, Dude
Sometimes it’s just too late. Somebody starts talking to you around campus who you’re pretty sure you’ve never seen before. Your first task is to figure out where you know them from. Hopefully they’ll mention something that will give you a clue. if not, be subtle. Be like “wow it’s been awhile.” If they met you last night this will come across as sarcastic, and you’ll be able to pick up on it when their response is “oh yeah, like 12 whole hours.” If you can figure out when and where you met them, then you don’t have to feel bad. Chances are they don’t remember your name either and you can just ask. Or - and this is what I do - just have meaningless conversations involving no specifics whenever you see them, until finally you’re pretty much friends, and then hopefully they’ll Facebook you.

How To: Stay Cool When You Stay Sober

Big test? No worries. Being sober doesn’t always mean no fun.

 

It is no secret that drinking is essentially the focal point of college social life. Whether you are playing beer pong with a few friends in your apartment or going to some wildly insane kegger, consuming alcohol is the driving force behind 60% of all social activities on campus (getting laid accounts for 30%, food accounts for the remaining 10%).

So what are you supposed to do if you are one of those people who has trouble taking shots and thinks beer tastes like urine? Does a distaste for alcohol automatically make you a social outcast? Well it certainly doesn’t have to. Here are a few ways to keep an active social life in college, even if you don’t drink: [Read more]

Act Like You Can Dance

 

Nothing scares me more than hearing the words, “Dance Party.”

Just two simple, innocuous words, yet when placed together they are powerful enough to make my knees buckle. Just the thought of an impromptu dance party makes girls panties wet, but where does that leave guys like me, who lack any sense of rhythm and haven’t danced since the bar-mitzvah era? Well, for a while I thought guys like me were essentially fucked.

How could I, a stiff uncoordinated Jew (that’s a little redundant) make it in this dance-crazed college atmosphere, where inevitably at every party some douchebag with a double popped collar starts dancing to Soulja Boy, and some girl is blasting DJ Slammy and getting all her little girlfriends to sign and dance along? But after roughly a year and a half of experimenting with hard drugs and dreaming of living in a town like the one in Footloose, I realized that there are still ways to look cool at dance parties, even if the last song you’ve danced to was the Electric Slide.

Here are the two best options, take it or leave it: [Read more]

Top 10 signs your girlfriend’s a SLUT!

 

You might want to worry if:

10) She calls you by the wrong name during sex. Different names. Repeatedly.

9) When you Google her name, all of the sites that come up are porn sites.

8) She eats dick for breakfast

7) Her name is Amber, Tiffany or Cindi.

6) She has a bigger porn collection than you do.

5) She is a regular at the free health clinic. They know her by name. [Read more]

Seasonal Brew: Pick The Right Beer All Year

‘Tis the season to be jolly… and a little shwasty.

How many of you guys have noticed that with the change of the season there also comes a change in the label of your favorite beer’s special brew? If you answered no, then just stop reading now because I offer up this information only to the true beer connoisseur.

For you see while every beer has its own secret recipe, they all follow the same formula for what kind of beer to make each season. So without further ado, I present to you exactly what you should be drinking as the world spins around that fireball moves across the sky not only when I’m drunk, but surprisingly when I’m sober too.

Winter
When you’re trying to warm yourself up when you’re trapped in watching the big game you’ll wanna grab something strong and spicy. Heavy stouts, porters and chocolate ales are popular in cold weather. Beer companies try to have their beer match the box of chocolate you’ll get for Christmas/Chanukah/Valentine’s Day/Your Hungry Fat Ass.

Spring [Read more]

Good to Know: How to Open a Beer With a Chainsaw

[Read more]

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