Breathalyzer Experiments

How many times have you wondered, “Just what is my BAC?  How many beers can I have before I’m no longer under the limit to drive?  I feel pretty drunk, but am I even close to getting black out?”

These are all life-pressing questions that most of us won’t find out until we get pulled over while driving down the interstate at night with no lights on, off road, while pissing out your passenger side door.  But we at College Drinker like to put things to the test.  For the good of science, I subjected myself to continuous breathalyzer testing throughout a night of binge drinking.

So here is one night where my drinking buddy was my Breathalyzer:

Before I give you my test scores there is one thing you need to understand: BAC isn’t universal.  There are tons of variables from person to person and from test to test.  Me being a 5’10”, 180-pound male means I’ll have different blow outs than your little sister.  What we also found was that testing immediately after you even just take a sip of alcohol doubles your BAC.

The reason for this is simple science and can help you if you’ve ever in a sticky situation.  While BAC measures the amount of alcohol in your blood, a breathalyzer measures how much alcohol is in your breath (shocker right?).  When the blood filled with alcohol passes through your lungs, it passes over air vessels and gets caught.  This way, the proportion of alcohol within your bloodstream is equal to the amount of alcohol absorbed in these vessels.  So if you were to take a quick swing of alcohol and then test your BAC, the test will be invalid because there will be a much higher concentration of alcohol in your mouth than in your blood.

Enough science, lets get to the experiment!

Over the span of a three hour night of drinking I consumed eleven beers.  After which I tested out some common myths concerning how to lower a breathalyzer reading.  To start off the night, I did just that.

Can Mouthwash give you a positive reading on a breathalyzer test?

The answer in this case was yes.  After blowing a .00, I mouthwashed, waited a minute and then blew a .04.  Now normally for a 21 year old, this is no big deal.  However, you might have a case on your hand if you fail a breathalyzer test in a no tolerance state and you’re under 21.

Let the testing begin!

Once I got back down to a .00 I let the night begin.  After my FIRST BEER, I blew a .00 again.  Again, I am your average drinker with a high tolerance so don’t assume one beer won’t do any damage every time.  When I reached my THIRD BEER I finally hit .08.  Now the night was getting ready to begin.

Scientifically by this point I had, “General feeling of well being, relaxation, lower inhibitions, sensation of warmth.  Euphoria.  Some minor impairment of reasoning and memory, lowering of caution.  Driving skills may be impaired at this level of intoxication.”  But this early in the night I felt like a champ.  I was celebrating my reaching the legal limit and was ready to take on more and more beer.

Beers FOUR through SIX were relatively the same.  I teetered back and forth between .09 and .10 the entire time.  I was on the brink of “Significant impairment of motor coordination and loss of good judgment.  Speech may be slurred; balance, vision, reaction time and hearing will be impaired.  Euphoria.”

Motor impairment?  I was playing flip cup and doing pretty well at that.  But loss of good judgment I can see.  Seconds after I finished beer SIX, I went to go shotgun beer SEVEN.  Again though, I only blew a .10.  But after the shotgun, my numbers would spike greatly for the rest of the night.

Not so long after I finished BEER EIGHT.  This time I blew a .14.  At this point, I supposedly have “Gross motor impairment and lack of physical control.  Blurred vision and major loss of balance.  Euphoria is reduced and dysphoria is beginning to appear.”

Next came BEER NINE, for which I blew a .16.  This means “Dysphoria (anxiety, restlessness) predominates, nausea may appear.  The drinker has the appearance of a ‘sloppy drunk’.”  What’s great about all this mention of dysphoria and lack of motor skills is the fact that I was playing beer pong and made six of the ten cups, including making four in a row and the last cup on a fade away jumper.  What was true was I was beginning to get loud and sloppy.

Next for BEER TEN I blew a .20 followed lastly by BEER ELEVEN for which I blew a .26.  Here is where the side effects get more serious: “Needs assistance in walking; total mental confusion.  Dysphoria with nausea and some vomiting.”  What is more important than just not being able to walk straight is that I was probably one or two beers from blacking out.

If my BAC went up .04, I reach “Lack of consciousness.”  Needless to say, I have zero recollection of making it upstairs to my room, so I was pretty damn close to black out.

Myth Testing

With the night over and me blowing a .26, I deemed it time to put some common myths to the test.  Now these are by no means hard facts and definitely relative, but the results do indicate that certain actions have an effect on a breathlyzer.

(**NOTE: College Drinker does not encourage you to try the tactics listed below, or to drive while intoxicated.  It’s illegal, don’t do it.)

Test #1: Blowing softly into the breathalyzer. For this I blew a .13.  The theory is, the less air you give, the less alcohol it’ll detect.

Test #2: Inhaling instead of exhaling. I blew an error message.  This technique doesn’t work because it doesn’t trick off the sensors.  Not to mention, whoever is testing you probably isn’t dumb enough to fall for that.

Test #3: Chewing gum while you blow. For this I blew a .12.  The theory is the gum will overpower the alcohol breath you have and lower your test result.

Test #4: Gargling water right before you test. For this I initially blew a .10 then, after a short wait, I blew a .16.  This technique seems to be the best for lower a breathalyzer reading, however, it is short lasting.  Unless you take a quick swig before you test, this won’t do you any good.

Test #5: Mouthwashing before you test. Initially I blew over a .40 and my breathalyzer’s warning message informed me to go to the hospital immediately.  As the mouthwash settled I received a similar result to the water of it lowering then spiking up again quickly.  Regardless, mouthwash has the potential to raise your reading every time so this is the most risky technique to try.

Conclusion

There are some techniques that could potentially lower a breathalyzer reading.  But this will not lower your BAC.  You can chew 50 pieces of gum but if you’re looking sloppy, a breathalyzer won’t save your ass.  Even if you’re dumb enough to drive drunk and you somehow beat a breathalyzer, good luck with your sobriety test.

Also take note that all of the techniques failed to put me under the legal limit.

True Meaning of the Facebook Friend Request Message [Humor]

You know that message that’s sent alongside a friend request? Yeah, it doesn’t say what you think it does. Here’s a sampling of translations:

1) The Nosy Mom

REAL MESSAGE: I’m trying to see if you’re drinking away what your father and I spend on tuition. And I’m technologically illiterate.

2) The FB Rush

REAL MESSAGE: Rush fucking sucks. I’m only doing this for housing points, pledge.

3) The Creepy Professor

REAL MESSAGE: I’m so lonely…lonely and cold. Please don’t ignore this.

4) The Dude Who Struck Out

REAL MESSAGE: I’m drunk facebooking dudes at three in the morning. Who’s got two thumbs and struck out at the bar? THIS GUY!

5) The Regrettable Hook Up

REAL MESSAGE: You should probably start eating anything that ends in –cillin or –mycin. Kthx.

6) The Emergency/Last Request

REAL MESSAGE: bill if you get this you need to call the police right away theres this fucking psycho with a knife ohmygod hes killing everybody call the police were at the cabin in wisconsin jesus i think hes coming

What “PBR” Really Stands For [Humor]

We all know Pabst Blue Ribbon as PBR. But it’s hard for me to imagine that PBR ever got a blue ribbon for anything. So I’ve decided to make up my own meanings, which I believe are way more accurate:

7) Pretty Bad Refreshment

6) Probably Boiled Rats

5) Pride of the Butt River (why not?)

4) Poorly Brewed Result

3) Palatable But Revolting

2) Pining for a Bad Refreshment

1) Pfucking Bterrible Rbeer

Why Alcohol Dehydrates

Alcohol inhibits ADH (anti-diuretic hormone) - a hormone that regulates the water level in your blood.

Like many essential nutrients, water is filtered through your kidneys. Usually when your body’s water level is low, ADH is stimulated in the kidneys, allowing more water absorption.

But when ADH is inhibited by alcohol, the water is not reabsorbed into the blood and instead becomes part of your urine - the reason that drinking alcohol makes you have to pee more often.

When you “break the seal” and go to the bathroom, you are losing water that should be in your blood - hence the reason you get dehydrated. The result is that you can expect to experience symptoms like headaches, nausea, sensitivity to light and noise, lethargy, and fatigue - a hangover.

What do you do?

After a night of drinking, try to drink some water before you pass out. This will go a long way towards reducing the effects of dehydration.

You will probably feel much better in the morning.

7 Places to Flabongo this Summer

Summertime means outdoor drinking. But just because you’re not at a house party doesn’t mean that you have to sacrifice the beer bong experience.

We teamed up with our favorite portable beer bong company - Flabongo - to tell you a few somewhat unexpected places where a compact beer bong really seals the deal.

7) A Tailgate/BBQ

The greatest thing about summer is the amazing range of reasons people find to sit around, grill meat, and drink. It’s the American way.

As such, the tailgate is also the most obvious spot where there’s a need for a portable and durable beer bong. Shotgunning beer at a tailgate is great fun, but when you’re sick of getting soaked with foam, just pour that brew into a Flabongo for an easily bonged beer that you can carry around with you. It’s way better than that nasty hose the guy in the huge pickup is trying to get people to drink out of.

6) The Beach

Summer and beaches are synonymous in our book. Every spare moment should be spent at one if possible.

But try to bring a regular beer bong to the beach and there’s something you’ll quickly discover: sandy beer is not that good. The Flabongo’s compact design is great in this case because people don’t seem to drop it nearly as much. And the fact that you’re bonging out of a plastic flamingo just brings a nice tropical air to the whole affair. The Flabongo is pretty much the perfect beach bong.

5) Vegas Strip

In the world of high-rollers, the distinctive beer bong stands out.

What happens in Vegas is your business. But when you’re done gambling away all your tuition money, a few funneled beers should help you forget your troubles. You may not be a high-roller, but you can still have some class.

4) A Wedding

Odds are you’ll get stuck at one of these that just seems to drag on and on. Enter the beer bong to spice up the party.

Since it’s a classy affair though, you’ll need to have the equipment to match. The Flabongo is novel enough to get away with not looking like a trashy college binge drinking apparatus. It’s fun for everyone. Just take a look at our happy new bride celebrating her sacred vows with a nice funneled beer. Maybe she should have gotten the discount on the 10-pack and given it out to all her friends…

3) The Golf Course

So you’re not shooting the best game of your life. Who cares when you’ve got a beer bong?

The Flabongo is perfect because you wont spill all over yourself while enjoying your delicious beverage at maximum speed. Plus, it’s small enough that it will probably even fit in your golf bag. Just make sure that your buddy packs the beers in his bag and you’re good to go. The Flabongo even come with a sweet carabiner so you could clip it on to your bag and carry it around.

Beer per hole, anyone?

2) Europe

Most Europeans think that Americans are nasty binge drinkers. Whip out your beer bong and show them that we are really expert binge drinkers.

Just try to pack a regular beer bong with a huge funnel and tubing and see how far you get with airport security. The Flabongo looks like some sweet souvenir you picked up on your trip. Check out our expert bonging away in Venice thanks to his Flabongo. Way to go.

1) On a boat with these girls

Do I really need to explain this one?

Get your Flabongo and get out on a boat now.

We only wish that summer lasted forever.

The Flabongo is a portable plastic beer bong that’s shaped like a flamingo. Check out our review and pick one up right away. It’s a fun, lightweight, and durable alternative to that moldy hose you made from hardware store parts. Flabongo - Because hoses and funnels belong in the garage.

A Few Drinks You Might Not Know

Are you ever tired of getting a $4 beer special or just a Jack and Coke whenever you go out drinking at a bar?

Or maybe straight tequila shots just aren’t cutting it for you anymore. Well, fellow CD writer, Brendon, and I decided to go out and try a few new things and report back. The bar was relatively quite, so the bartender had a chance to show us some really interesting drinks.

And so without further ado, I present to you our newly compiled list of a few good mixed drinks and shots that you might not think to order off the top of your head.

MIXED DRINKS:

1) Smurf

Sorry guys, but this drink isn’t blue. This drink wasn’t that strong but had a nice tropical taste to it. If you want a nice cocktail that won’t get you messed up, this is a good choice.

• 2 oz Vodka
• 3 oz Orange Juice
• 2 oz Sprite
• Grenadine

2) Bahama Mama

Hellz yea! It’s grapefruity, sweet and tangy, and enough of these and you’ll think you’re in Jamaica. Make sure you tip your bartender though, it’s a pain to make.

• 1/2 oz Lemon Juice
• 2 oz Orange Juice
• 2 oz Pineapple Juice
• 1 1/2 oz Rum
• 1 oz Coconut Rum
• 1/2 oz Cherry Heering
• Grenadine

3) California Lemonade

Another fruity drink. We began feeling a little womanly having all of these at this point in the night, but this sure was the weak drink winner. Really delicious.

• 2 oz Blended Whiskey
• 1 tblsp Powdered Sugar
• Lemon and Lime Juice
• Grenadine
• Carbonated Water

4) Dead Bastard

We kicked it up a notch with this drink. Too many notches actually. One sip and I’m feeling it. Brown liquor is the dangerous way to go (unless you’re Nicholas Cage or something). It tasted like someone mixed Brandy, Bourbon, Gin, and Rum together. Supposedly I also started singing to the background music after this drink.

• 1 oz Brandy
• 1 oz Bourbon
• 1 oz Gin
• 1 oz Rum
• 1/2 oz Lime Juice
• 1 dash Bitters
• 1 oz Ginger Ale

5) Mind Eraser

I’ve ordered this a few times and know of people who’ve had this. The rules are you need to drink the whole thing through a straw without stopping. You’ll feel like a champ afterwards, trust me.

• 2 oz Vodka
• 2 oz Kahlua
• 2 oz Tonic Water

6) Zombie

By the time we got to the Zombie we had tried out a couple of the specialty shots and were really on our way to blasted. There are different ways to make a Zombie and this recipe is different from the norm. But we liked it more. Despite that our bartender told us none was in it, we were positive this drink was straight pineapple. Even though my drinking partner asked me 2 minutes after drinking this when we were gonna try the Zombie, we both really enjoyed this a lot.

• 1 oz Light Rum
• 1/2 oz Creme De Almond
• 1 1/2 oz Sweet And Sour
• 1/2 oz Triple Sec
• 1 1/2 oz Orange Juice
• 1/2 oz Rum, 151 proof

7) October Revolution

This was Brendon’s favorite drink of the night. Also his last. He described it as a White Russian but with a Proletarian Revolution after taste.

• 2 oz Vodka
• 2 oz Coffee Liquor
• 1 oz Cao Cao
• 1 oz double cream.

8) Harvey Wallbanger

This is a very well known drink to your parents but maybe not to us. Legend has it, this surfer named Harvey would come into the same bar after his competitions and would order this drink again and again until he’d bang into the walls on his way out. It’s basically a Screwdriver and licorice. Brendon at this point befriended the sound guy at the bar and started to black out.

• 2 oz Vodka
• 2 oz Orange Juice
• 1 oz Galliano

9) Knickerbocker Special Cocktail

I was wasted and bored at this point so I picked a random drink out of a book, and as a Knicks fan, thought this was acceptable. It’s not. I never thought the word Knickerbocker would be associated with anything worse than Isaiah Thomas, and then I tried this. It has an after taste of Tums. Enough said.

SHOTS:

1) Starry Night

Now I personally hate Jaeger (laugh it up, I know), but Brendon seems to really love this shot. And as a Jaeger hater, this actually was not that bad.

• 1/2 Jaeger
• 1/2 Goldslager

2) Slippery Nipple

This was really good. Of course, I like everything involving nipples.

• 1/2 Bailey’s Irish Cream
• 1/2 Sambuca

3) Prairie Fire

This is my favorite drink you can order at a bar. One time I made my friends take 12 of these with me over a night and boy did we feel like shit in the morning. So I let Brendon try this shot with out any knowledge as to what he was taking. His reaction, “AHHHH FUCK WHAT THE HELL! James what is this shit you’re making me drink! Actually, bring on another.” And he did have another.

• 2/3 Tequila
• 1/3 Grain Alcohol
• 3 Shakes of Tabasco Sauce
• Pepper

4) Jamaican Slammer

This is a layered shot that looks really cool and is basically just a shot of rum. Not bad.

• 1/4 Dark Rum
• 1/4 Triple Sec
• 1/4 Lime Juice
• 1/4 Golden Rum

5) Mudslide

A lot of people know what a Mudslide is, but how many think to order one? Screw SoCo and Lime, take one of these.

• 1/3 Vodka
• 1/3 Kahlua
• 1/3 Irish Cream

6) 1-900-FUK-ME-UP

By the time we took these we were too fucked up to get fucked up. But it was really fruity. I didn’t see the big deal in this shot. But then again, we weren’t the best judges at this point.

• 1/2 Absolut Kurant
• 1/4 Grand Marnier
• 1/4 Chambord Raspberry Liqueur
• 1/4 Midori Melon Liqueur
• 1/4 Malibu Rum
• 1/4 Amaretto
• 1/4 Cranberry and Pineapple Juice

7) Red, White, and Blue

What a way to end our shot taking than with a good ol’ American flag shot. Brendon took his second Prairie Fire when I took this (A Prairie Fire is also known as a Sweaty Mexican) and this caused an almost endless discussion about continents somehow. But the shot…so sweet I wanted to throw up. But an after taste of FUCK YEAH!

• 1/3 Grenadine
• 1/3 Peach Shnaps
• 1/3 Blue Curacao

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