Leinenkugel

If you’re from the Upper Midwest, you’ve probably heard of The Jacob Leinenkugel brewing company. Like so many smaller breweries, they’ve traded their originality and warmth (”Come out to Leinie Lodge and have a few!”) for stability and profit: Leinenkugel’s is now owned by Miller.

But that hasn’t stopped them from making decent beers, and in the past few years they’ve won an impressive array of awards at the American Beer Fest, including golds for their Creamy Dark and Berry Weiss flavors.

But the beer on trial is not one of Leinenkugel’s newfangled attempts to maintain their image as a unique brewery despite the Miller label. This is the original Leinenkugel, all the way back from 1867–before Leinenkugel Red was the keg of choice for Wisconsin parties (a status it held for decades, until very recently), and before you brought a case of Berry Weiss to a summer barbecue for the ladies. This is the recipe Jacob Leinenkugel himself brought over from Germany.

TASTE:

The most common complaint about Leinenkugel’s Original is the strong metallic taste, and I have to agree with that.

The first time I tasted Leinenkugel, I thought I’d broken off a piece of the bottle cap and it had fallen into the beer. Especially if you pour it into a glass (which always brings out the subtler flavors, for better or for worse) Leinenkugel can taste a bit like chewing on tin foil.

Beneath that there’s a not-quite-sweet taste which almost reminds me of white wine–true beer connoisseurs call this taste “corn,” although corn is not actually used in the brewing process.

IMPRESSIONS:

Leinenkugel now has 14 different flavors, and of those “Original” is one of the most rarely consumed (Sunset Wheat is the most popular). And while Leinenkugel’s Original isn’t a terrible beer, I can see why it’s not really anyone’s first choice either.

It’s definitely not a cheap party beer, but it’s not the best American Lager you could buy either. And it’s not as interesting as Leinenkugel’s other flavors.

Try it once to say you did, and then go back to Leinenkugel’s “Summer Shandy”–even if it does sound a little fruity.

Party Value: 2/5

Class Value: 3/5

Taste Value: 2/5

Budweiser

It’s impossible to write a review of Budweiser this week without mentioning that Anheuser-Busch, the brewery that makes Budweiser, has just announced their intent to release a new beer: “Budweiser American Ale.”

So, question one: why is Budweiser putting out this new beer with a fancy name and a fancier bottle–dark brown with a beige label, an obvious attempt to look cultured–and who do they think will drink it? “Experimenters,” said an A-B spokesman, “drinkers who bounce around among various beers such as Yuengling, Fat Tire, Hoegaarden…and Budweiser.” Sure, every good Bud drinker keeps a case of Fat Tire in the fridge for special occasions, right? Right?

Okay, so that’s a little weird. But question two is: what does all that have to do with good old Budweiser, the King of Beers?

Here’s what: it’s irrefutable evidence that Budweiser is not, in fact, the King of Beers, and that A-B knows it. Kings don’t need stylish counterparts to win over their most devoted subjects. If Budweiser were really the King of Beers, A-B wouldn’t need “American Ale” to win over the people who actually taste their beer–a true King of Beers would appeal to frat boys and connoisseurs alike. No, Budweiser is more like the Slum Lord of beers, and the new “American Ale” is the snazzy suit-and-tie businessman it needs to keep its ties to “respectable” society.

Taste

But that’s okay–Budweiser has held its solid position as the best-of-the-worst for decades, and probably will for a long time yet. It’s a respectable role to play, and has (understandably) made it a favorite for many semi-serious drinkers. But when I drink a Budweiser, I taste very little worth mentioning at all. It’s a beer that’s sacrificed the the bite of the really shitty party beers, without ever attaining true flavor in return. Like the slum lord who longs to be part of the “respectable” world, its aspirations of grandeur are just a little repugnant.

Impressions

There’s nothing exactly wrong with Budweiser, and I certainly wouldn’t turn one down. But frankly, if I’m at a party I’d rather have PBR or Icehouse, and if I’m drinking on my own I’d rather have a Guinness or maybe a Blue Moon.

Party Value: 4.5/5

Taste Value: 2/5

Class Value: 2/5

Guinness Extra Stout

I could say a lot of good things about Guinness, but a single fact trumps all of them: it’s the single most consumed alcoholic beverage in all of Ireland.

And the Irish know their alcohol: Guinness makes almost 2 billion euros a year in Ireland, compared to only 7 billion euros total the Irish spend on food and non-alcoholic drink. That’s a lot of Guinness.

History of Extra Stout

Born in 1759 at the St. James Gate Brewery in Dublin, Ireland, under the unassuming name “Dublin Ale,” Guinness has just about the most illustrious history a beer can claim. Contrary to popular opinion, it was not the first “stout” beer (that came a hundred years earlier). But it was the first stout beer to gain international circulation. In 1821 “Dublin Ale” became “Extra Superior Porter,” and in 1862 it became the “Extra Stout” we know and love today. And with the distinguished history comes character. Google “Guiness Extra Stout” and you can see pictures of everything from a 19th century engraving of a Dubliner enjoying his pint to photos from the launch of the S.S. Guinness: the first steam boat ever built solely to export beer.

Taste

Guinness Extra Stout is to classy, dark beers what PBR is to party beers: the pinnacle, the quintessence, the beer you just keep coming back to. Its dark ruby color is often mistaken for black, and its taste is usually compared to coffee or dark chocolate. And it is a very bitter beer, but it’s also got a distinct creamy taste that could almost be called sweet. This unique blend of flavors is due to roasted barley which remains unfermented.

Impressions

As popular as Extra Stout is, nobody thinks it’s a party beer. Even the Guinness website says it’s their “equivalent of fine wine…beer to enhance the flavor of meat in a casserole or concoct your own cocktails. So handle with care.” It’s true: Extra Stout is not a beer to fuck around with. Don’t drink it out of a can or even a bottle if you can help it–go down the corner to your local pub and get it on tap, the way it’s supposed to be drunk.

If you are stuck drinking it out of the bottle, use the trademark Guinness “double pour” (which inspired Guinness’s advertising slogan “good things come to those who wait”). Pour a glass 3/4 full, let it sit for about 1-2 minutes–the exact time is a subject of much dispute–and then pour the remaining quarter. This makes the perfect foamy head and improves the overall taste. Yes, it really does make a difference.

Party Value: 1.5/5

Taste Value: 3.5/5

Class Value: 4.5/5

Side note: some studies have claimed that Guinness Extra Stout can be beneficial to the heart, and in the 1920s Guinness launched an ad campaign using the slogan “Guiness is good for you,” but the company was recently warned to withdraw the phrase.

My official position is that all beer is good for you, and if you don’t believe me you’re obviously not drinking enough.

Grolsch

From the instant I saw this beer right up to the momentous and inevitable Wikipedia fact check, I was hoping “Grolsch” was an Ancient Germanic word for beer. Alas no, it’s just a derivative of Groelle, the Dutch town where Grolsch Brewery was founded in 1615.

But even if Grolsch doesn’t literally mean beer, Groelle was not a bad place for an aspiring ale-drinker. The following joke comes from roughly the same time and place as Grolsch beer: A man walks into a pub and is shocked to find a woman drinking there. After staring at her for some time he walks up to her and kisses her on the mouth. She of course slaps him silly. He apologizes immediately, saying, “I’m sorry, I thought you were my wife! You look just like her.” The woman responds angrily, “You’re a disgrace, you worthless, good-for-nothing drunk!” He mutters, “That’s strange, you sound just like her too.”

Taste:

That’s just a taste of the illustrious Dutch tradition of making and drinking beer, best represented in America through Heineken. Like Heineken, Grolsch is a Dutch pilsner. And it shares Heineken’s clear bitter taste and green bottle (which, according to true beer connoisseurs, damages the taste by letting in too much light). But Grolsch also has a taste of its own, something totally distinct. It hits the top of your palate with the same heady kick as horseradish or wasabi, making it a great beer to drink with sushi or spicy food.

Impressions:

Grolsch is a relatively versatile beer, definitely cheap and easy enough for a party or a ball game–and it certainly does come in kegs. But personally I prefer it as a dinner beer, with a peppery steak, or better yet a salmon filet. It’s also, out of a whole fridge full of variety beers, the first thing I grab when I come home from work. Very drinkable but with a touch of originality (and dare I say it, class) that you might not find in an American beer, Grolsch is a perfect mid-level beer. The Dutch have done it again.

Party Value: 2.5/5

Class Value: 3/5

Taste Value: 3.5/5

Krusovice Cerne

When I first encountered the Krusovice brand I thought I had died and gone to heaven.

In a dark, smoky underground pub in Prague, two friends and I ordered a maB (liter glass) of the amber liquid. Of course, as it was in Prague it only cost $3.50 - less than it does for two 500ml bottles in the United States. Once I returned I knew I needed to try it again, but came upon another variety: the Dark.

The differences between Cerne and the Imperial (regular) are stark. The beer is by nature dark, sweet and less alcoholic (3.8% vs. 6%). But both are fantastic and while Krusovice is only the fifth-largest brewery in the Czech Republic, it certainly does its best to emphasize quality over quantity.

Drinking:

Upon opening the bottle, the only way to enjoy the brew is in a glass, which is what the Czechs have been doing for more than 400 years. This makes it tough to drink in a game situation, as a red Solo cup will not do. The dark liquid that comes out does not produce much of a head, but the medium carbonation and watered-down flavor make it easier to drink than some heavier stouts and porters. The smell is not overpowering, but is definitely pleasant. There is a sweet, almost caramel flavor to go along with a slight maltiness.

Impressions:

The bottom line is that this beer is easier to drink than a Guinness, but less potent than other full-flavor dark beers. Because it should be enjoyed in a glass, the party factor takes a beating, but it is very classy to drink in a pint glass or maB and it is much harder to find than Pilsner Urquell or Budvar.

If you are able to find this and are sick of hefeweisse beers, give it a shot. It’s definitely a way to educate College Drinkers on the beers of the world.

Party value: 2

Taste Value: 4

Class Value: 4

Sol

Sol is supposed to be the Mexican Miller High Life, but if that’s true then my taste buds must be dying early.

Fans may call Sol “clean” or “crisp,” but when I take a sip I think only one thing: seltzer water. Sol doesn’t taste bad, like some cheap beer–it just doesn’t taste like anything. I had to check online to even be sure it had alcohol in it.

Determined to make the most out of this very mediocre beer, I went through my whole six-pack experimenting with different proportions of salt and lime. A pinch of salt does a lot of good: it adds some bite and taste, and turns it into an almost worthwhile beer. But lime or lemon is a bad idea–it usurps the flavor completely and makes Sol taste like weak lemonade.

Advertised as the original Mexican beach beer, Sol was supposedly named in 1899 by a German brew master who was inspired by the first rays of Mexican sunlight creeping over his brewing pot. And if Sol is good for anything, it’s good for a hot day at the beach.

But even then, there’s a great variety of Mexican beach beers to choose from–some cheaper than Sol–all of which taste like beer. Try one of those instead.

Party Value: 3/5

Class Value: 2/5

Taste Value: 1/5

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