Breathalyzer Experiments

How many times have you wondered, “Just what is my BAC?  How many beers can I have before I’m no longer under the limit to drive?  I feel pretty drunk, but am I even close to getting black out?”

These are all life-pressing questions that most of us won’t find out until we get pulled over while driving down the interstate at night with no lights on, off road, while pissing out your passenger side door.  But we at College Drinker like to put things to the test.  For the good of science, I subjected myself to continuous breathalyzer testing throughout a night of binge drinking.

So here is one night where my drinking buddy was my Breathalyzer:

Before I give you my test scores there is one thing you need to understand: BAC isn’t universal.  There are tons of variables from person to person and from test to test.  Me being a 5’10”, 180-pound male means I’ll have different blow outs than your little sister.  What we also found was that testing immediately after you even just take a sip of alcohol doubles your BAC.

The reason for this is simple science and can help you if you’ve ever in a sticky situation.  While BAC measures the amount of alcohol in your blood, a breathalyzer measures how much alcohol is in your breath (shocker right?).  When the blood filled with alcohol passes through your lungs, it passes over air vessels and gets caught.  This way, the proportion of alcohol within your bloodstream is equal to the amount of alcohol absorbed in these vessels.  So if you were to take a quick swing of alcohol and then test your BAC, the test will be invalid because there will be a much higher concentration of alcohol in your mouth than in your blood.

Enough science, lets get to the experiment!

Over the span of a three hour night of drinking I consumed eleven beers.  After which I tested out some common myths concerning how to lower a breathalyzer reading.  To start off the night, I did just that.

Can Mouthwash give you a positive reading on a breathalyzer test?

The answer in this case was yes.  After blowing a .00, I mouthwashed, waited a minute and then blew a .04.  Now normally for a 21 year old, this is no big deal.  However, you might have a case on your hand if you fail a breathalyzer test in a no tolerance state and you’re under 21.

Let the testing begin!

Once I got back down to a .00 I let the night begin.  After my FIRST BEER, I blew a .00 again.  Again, I am your average drinker with a high tolerance so don’t assume one beer won’t do any damage every time.  When I reached my THIRD BEER I finally hit .08.  Now the night was getting ready to begin.

Scientifically by this point I had, “General feeling of well being, relaxation, lower inhibitions, sensation of warmth.  Euphoria.  Some minor impairment of reasoning and memory, lowering of caution.  Driving skills may be impaired at this level of intoxication.”  But this early in the night I felt like a champ.  I was celebrating my reaching the legal limit and was ready to take on more and more beer.

Beers FOUR through SIX were relatively the same.  I teetered back and forth between .09 and .10 the entire time.  I was on the brink of “Significant impairment of motor coordination and loss of good judgment.  Speech may be slurred; balance, vision, reaction time and hearing will be impaired.  Euphoria.”

Motor impairment?  I was playing flip cup and doing pretty well at that.  But loss of good judgment I can see.  Seconds after I finished beer SIX, I went to go shotgun beer SEVEN.  Again though, I only blew a .10.  But after the shotgun, my numbers would spike greatly for the rest of the night.

Not so long after I finished BEER EIGHT.  This time I blew a .14.  At this point, I supposedly have “Gross motor impairment and lack of physical control.  Blurred vision and major loss of balance.  Euphoria is reduced and dysphoria is beginning to appear.”

Next came BEER NINE, for which I blew a .16.  This means “Dysphoria (anxiety, restlessness) predominates, nausea may appear.  The drinker has the appearance of a ‘sloppy drunk’.”  What’s great about all this mention of dysphoria and lack of motor skills is the fact that I was playing beer pong and made six of the ten cups, including making four in a row and the last cup on a fade away jumper.  What was true was I was beginning to get loud and sloppy.

Next for BEER TEN I blew a .20 followed lastly by BEER ELEVEN for which I blew a .26.  Here is where the side effects get more serious: “Needs assistance in walking; total mental confusion.  Dysphoria with nausea and some vomiting.”  What is more important than just not being able to walk straight is that I was probably one or two beers from blacking out.

If my BAC went up .04, I reach “Lack of consciousness.”  Needless to say, I have zero recollection of making it upstairs to my room, so I was pretty damn close to black out.

Myth Testing

With the night over and me blowing a .26, I deemed it time to put some common myths to the test.  Now these are by no means hard facts and definitely relative, but the results do indicate that certain actions have an effect on a breathlyzer.

(**NOTE: College Drinker does not encourage you to try the tactics listed below, or to drive while intoxicated.  It’s illegal, don’t do it.)

Test #1: Blowing softly into the breathalyzer. For this I blew a .13.  The theory is, the less air you give, the less alcohol it’ll detect.

Test #2: Inhaling instead of exhaling. I blew an error message.  This technique doesn’t work because it doesn’t trick off the sensors.  Not to mention, whoever is testing you probably isn’t dumb enough to fall for that.

Test #3: Chewing gum while you blow. For this I blew a .12.  The theory is the gum will overpower the alcohol breath you have and lower your test result.

Test #4: Gargling water right before you test. For this I initially blew a .10 then, after a short wait, I blew a .16.  This technique seems to be the best for lower a breathalyzer reading, however, it is short lasting.  Unless you take a quick swig before you test, this won’t do you any good.

Test #5: Mouthwashing before you test. Initially I blew over a .40 and my breathalyzer’s warning message informed me to go to the hospital immediately.  As the mouthwash settled I received a similar result to the water of it lowering then spiking up again quickly.  Regardless, mouthwash has the potential to raise your reading every time so this is the most risky technique to try.

Conclusion

There are some techniques that could potentially lower a breathalyzer reading.  But this will not lower your BAC.  You can chew 50 pieces of gum but if you’re looking sloppy, a breathalyzer won’t save your ass.  Even if you’re dumb enough to drive drunk and you somehow beat a breathalyzer, good luck with your sobriety test.

Also take note that all of the techniques failed to put me under the legal limit.

Leinenkugel

If you’re from the Upper Midwest, you’ve probably heard of The Jacob Leinenkugel brewing company. Like so many smaller breweries, they’ve traded their originality and warmth (”Come out to Leinie Lodge and have a few!”) for stability and profit: Leinenkugel’s is now owned by Miller.

But that hasn’t stopped them from making decent beers, and in the past few years they’ve won an impressive array of awards at the American Beer Fest, including golds for their Creamy Dark and Berry Weiss flavors.

But the beer on trial is not one of Leinenkugel’s newfangled attempts to maintain their image as a unique brewery despite the Miller label. This is the original Leinenkugel, all the way back from 1867–before Leinenkugel Red was the keg of choice for Wisconsin parties (a status it held for decades, until very recently), and before you brought a case of Berry Weiss to a summer barbecue for the ladies. This is the recipe Jacob Leinenkugel himself brought over from Germany.

TASTE:

The most common complaint about Leinenkugel’s Original is the strong metallic taste, and I have to agree with that.

The first time I tasted Leinenkugel, I thought I’d broken off a piece of the bottle cap and it had fallen into the beer. Especially if you pour it into a glass (which always brings out the subtler flavors, for better or for worse) Leinenkugel can taste a bit like chewing on tin foil.

Beneath that there’s a not-quite-sweet taste which almost reminds me of white wine–true beer connoisseurs call this taste “corn,” although corn is not actually used in the brewing process.

IMPRESSIONS:

Leinenkugel now has 14 different flavors, and of those “Original” is one of the most rarely consumed (Sunset Wheat is the most popular). And while Leinenkugel’s Original isn’t a terrible beer, I can see why it’s not really anyone’s first choice either.

It’s definitely not a cheap party beer, but it’s not the best American Lager you could buy either. And it’s not as interesting as Leinenkugel’s other flavors.

Try it once to say you did, and then go back to Leinenkugel’s “Summer Shandy”–even if it does sound a little fruity.

Party Value: 2/5

Class Value: 3/5

Taste Value: 2/5

Budweiser

It’s impossible to write a review of Budweiser this week without mentioning that Anheuser-Busch, the brewery that makes Budweiser, has just announced their intent to release a new beer: “Budweiser American Ale.”

So, question one: why is Budweiser putting out this new beer with a fancy name and a fancier bottle–dark brown with a beige label, an obvious attempt to look cultured–and who do they think will drink it? “Experimenters,” said an A-B spokesman, “drinkers who bounce around among various beers such as Yuengling, Fat Tire, Hoegaarden…and Budweiser.” Sure, every good Bud drinker keeps a case of Fat Tire in the fridge for special occasions, right? Right?

Okay, so that’s a little weird. But question two is: what does all that have to do with good old Budweiser, the King of Beers?

Here’s what: it’s irrefutable evidence that Budweiser is not, in fact, the King of Beers, and that A-B knows it. Kings don’t need stylish counterparts to win over their most devoted subjects. If Budweiser were really the King of Beers, A-B wouldn’t need “American Ale” to win over the people who actually taste their beer–a true King of Beers would appeal to frat boys and connoisseurs alike. No, Budweiser is more like the Slum Lord of beers, and the new “American Ale” is the snazzy suit-and-tie businessman it needs to keep its ties to “respectable” society.

Taste

But that’s okay–Budweiser has held its solid position as the best-of-the-worst for decades, and probably will for a long time yet. It’s a respectable role to play, and has (understandably) made it a favorite for many semi-serious drinkers. But when I drink a Budweiser, I taste very little worth mentioning at all. It’s a beer that’s sacrificed the the bite of the really shitty party beers, without ever attaining true flavor in return. Like the slum lord who longs to be part of the “respectable” world, its aspirations of grandeur are just a little repugnant.

Impressions

There’s nothing exactly wrong with Budweiser, and I certainly wouldn’t turn one down. But frankly, if I’m at a party I’d rather have PBR or Icehouse, and if I’m drinking on my own I’d rather have a Guinness or maybe a Blue Moon.

Party Value: 4.5/5

Taste Value: 2/5

Class Value: 2/5

Guinness Extra Stout

I could say a lot of good things about Guinness, but a single fact trumps all of them: it’s the single most consumed alcoholic beverage in all of Ireland.

And the Irish know their alcohol: Guinness makes almost 2 billion euros a year in Ireland, compared to only 7 billion euros total the Irish spend on food and non-alcoholic drink. That’s a lot of Guinness.

History of Extra Stout

Born in 1759 at the St. James Gate Brewery in Dublin, Ireland, under the unassuming name “Dublin Ale,” Guinness has just about the most illustrious history a beer can claim. Contrary to popular opinion, it was not the first “stout” beer (that came a hundred years earlier). But it was the first stout beer to gain international circulation. In 1821 “Dublin Ale” became “Extra Superior Porter,” and in 1862 it became the “Extra Stout” we know and love today. And with the distinguished history comes character. Google “Guiness Extra Stout” and you can see pictures of everything from a 19th century engraving of a Dubliner enjoying his pint to photos from the launch of the S.S. Guinness: the first steam boat ever built solely to export beer.

Taste

Guinness Extra Stout is to classy, dark beers what PBR is to party beers: the pinnacle, the quintessence, the beer you just keep coming back to. Its dark ruby color is often mistaken for black, and its taste is usually compared to coffee or dark chocolate. And it is a very bitter beer, but it’s also got a distinct creamy taste that could almost be called sweet. This unique blend of flavors is due to roasted barley which remains unfermented.

Impressions

As popular as Extra Stout is, nobody thinks it’s a party beer. Even the Guinness website says it’s their “equivalent of fine wine…beer to enhance the flavor of meat in a casserole or concoct your own cocktails. So handle with care.” It’s true: Extra Stout is not a beer to fuck around with. Don’t drink it out of a can or even a bottle if you can help it–go down the corner to your local pub and get it on tap, the way it’s supposed to be drunk.

If you are stuck drinking it out of the bottle, use the trademark Guinness “double pour” (which inspired Guinness’s advertising slogan “good things come to those who wait”). Pour a glass 3/4 full, let it sit for about 1-2 minutes–the exact time is a subject of much dispute–and then pour the remaining quarter. This makes the perfect foamy head and improves the overall taste. Yes, it really does make a difference.

Party Value: 1.5/5

Taste Value: 3.5/5

Class Value: 4.5/5

Side note: some studies have claimed that Guinness Extra Stout can be beneficial to the heart, and in the 1920s Guinness launched an ad campaign using the slogan “Guiness is good for you,” but the company was recently warned to withdraw the phrase.

My official position is that all beer is good for you, and if you don’t believe me you’re obviously not drinking enough.

Grolsch

From the instant I saw this beer right up to the momentous and inevitable Wikipedia fact check, I was hoping “Grolsch” was an Ancient Germanic word for beer. Alas no, it’s just a derivative of Groelle, the Dutch town where Grolsch Brewery was founded in 1615.

But even if Grolsch doesn’t literally mean beer, Groelle was not a bad place for an aspiring ale-drinker. The following joke comes from roughly the same time and place as Grolsch beer: A man walks into a pub and is shocked to find a woman drinking there. After staring at her for some time he walks up to her and kisses her on the mouth. She of course slaps him silly. He apologizes immediately, saying, “I’m sorry, I thought you were my wife! You look just like her.” The woman responds angrily, “You’re a disgrace, you worthless, good-for-nothing drunk!” He mutters, “That’s strange, you sound just like her too.”

Taste:

That’s just a taste of the illustrious Dutch tradition of making and drinking beer, best represented in America through Heineken. Like Heineken, Grolsch is a Dutch pilsner. And it shares Heineken’s clear bitter taste and green bottle (which, according to true beer connoisseurs, damages the taste by letting in too much light). But Grolsch also has a taste of its own, something totally distinct. It hits the top of your palate with the same heady kick as horseradish or wasabi, making it a great beer to drink with sushi or spicy food.

Impressions:

Grolsch is a relatively versatile beer, definitely cheap and easy enough for a party or a ball game–and it certainly does come in kegs. But personally I prefer it as a dinner beer, with a peppery steak, or better yet a salmon filet. It’s also, out of a whole fridge full of variety beers, the first thing I grab when I come home from work. Very drinkable but with a touch of originality (and dare I say it, class) that you might not find in an American beer, Grolsch is a perfect mid-level beer. The Dutch have done it again.

Party Value: 2.5/5

Class Value: 3/5

Taste Value: 3.5/5

Krusovice Cerne

When I first encountered the Krusovice brand I thought I had died and gone to heaven.

In a dark, smoky underground pub in Prague, two friends and I ordered a maB (liter glass) of the amber liquid. Of course, as it was in Prague it only cost $3.50 - less than it does for two 500ml bottles in the United States. Once I returned I knew I needed to try it again, but came upon another variety: the Dark.

The differences between Cerne and the Imperial (regular) are stark. The beer is by nature dark, sweet and less alcoholic (3.8% vs. 6%). But both are fantastic and while Krusovice is only the fifth-largest brewery in the Czech Republic, it certainly does its best to emphasize quality over quantity.

Drinking:

Upon opening the bottle, the only way to enjoy the brew is in a glass, which is what the Czechs have been doing for more than 400 years. This makes it tough to drink in a game situation, as a red Solo cup will not do. The dark liquid that comes out does not produce much of a head, but the medium carbonation and watered-down flavor make it easier to drink than some heavier stouts and porters. The smell is not overpowering, but is definitely pleasant. There is a sweet, almost caramel flavor to go along with a slight maltiness.

Impressions:

The bottom line is that this beer is easier to drink than a Guinness, but less potent than other full-flavor dark beers. Because it should be enjoyed in a glass, the party factor takes a beating, but it is very classy to drink in a pint glass or maB and it is much harder to find than Pilsner Urquell or Budvar.

If you are able to find this and are sick of hefeweisse beers, give it a shot. It’s definitely a way to educate College Drinkers on the beers of the world.

Party value: 2

Taste Value: 4

Class Value: 4

Next Page »