ALL BEER REVIEWS:

Grolsch

From the instant I saw this beer right up to the momentous and inevitable Wikipedia fact check, I was hoping “Grolsch” was an Ancient Germanic word for beer. Alas no, it’s just a derivative of Groelle, the Dutch town where Grolsch Brewery was founded in 1615.

But even if Grolsch doesn’t literally mean beer, Groelle was not a bad place for an aspiring ale-drinker. The following joke comes from roughly the same time and place as Grolsch beer: A man walks into a pub and is shocked to find a woman drinking there. After staring at her for some time he walks up to her and kisses her on the mouth. She of course slaps him silly. He apologizes immediately, saying, “I’m sorry, I thought you were my wife! You look just like her.” The woman responds angrily, “You’re a disgrace, you worthless, good-for-nothing drunk!” He mutters, “That’s strange, you sound just like her too.”

Taste:

That’s just a taste of the illustrious Dutch tradition of making and drinking beer, best represented in America through Heineken. Like Heineken, Grolsch is a Dutch pilsner. And it shares Heineken’s clear bitter taste and green bottle (which, according to true beer connoisseurs, damages the taste by letting in too much light). But Grolsch also has a taste of its own, something totally distinct. It hits the top of your palate with the same heady kick as horseradish or wasabi, making it a great beer to drink with sushi or spicy food.

Impressions:

Grolsch is a relatively versatile beer, definitely cheap and easy enough for a party or a ball game–and it certainly does come in kegs. But personally I prefer it as a dinner beer, with a peppery steak, or better yet a salmon filet. It’s also, out of a whole fridge full of variety beers, the first thing I grab when I come home from work. Very drinkable but with a touch of originality (and dare I say it, class) that you might not find in an American beer, Grolsch is a perfect mid-level beer. The Dutch have done it again.

Party Value: 2.5/5

Class Value: 3/5

Taste Value: 3.5/5

Krusovice Cerne

When I first encountered the Krusovice brand I thought I had died and gone to heaven.

In a dark, smoky underground pub in Prague, two friends and I ordered a maB (liter glass) of the amber liquid. Of course, as it was in Prague it only cost $3.50 - less than it does for two 500ml bottles in the United States. Once I returned I knew I needed to try it again, but came upon another variety: the Dark.

The differences between Cerne and the Imperial (regular) are stark. The beer is by nature dark, sweet and less alcoholic (3.8% vs. 6%). But both are fantastic and while Krusovice is only the fifth-largest brewery in the Czech Republic, it certainly does its best to emphasize quality over quantity.

Drinking:

Upon opening the bottle, the only way to enjoy the brew is in a glass, which is what the Czechs have been doing for more than 400 years. This makes it tough to drink in a game situation, as a red Solo cup will not do. The dark liquid that comes out does not produce much of a head, but the medium carbonation and watered-down flavor make it easier to drink than some heavier stouts and porters. The smell is not overpowering, but is definitely pleasant. There is a sweet, almost caramel flavor to go along with a slight maltiness.

Impressions:

The bottom line is that this beer is easier to drink than a Guinness, but less potent than other full-flavor dark beers. Because it should be enjoyed in a glass, the party factor takes a beating, but it is very classy to drink in a pint glass or maB and it is much harder to find than Pilsner Urquell or Budvar.

If you are able to find this and are sick of hefeweisse beers, give it a shot. It’s definitely a way to educate College Drinkers on the beers of the world.

Party value: 2

Taste Value: 4

Class Value: 4

Sol

Sol is supposed to be the Mexican Miller High Life, but if that’s true then my taste buds must be dying early.

Fans may call Sol “clean” or “crisp,” but when I take a sip I think only one thing: seltzer water. Sol doesn’t taste bad, like some cheap beer–it just doesn’t taste like anything. I had to check online to even be sure it had alcohol in it.

Determined to make the most out of this very mediocre beer, I went through my whole six-pack experimenting with different proportions of salt and lime. A pinch of salt does a lot of good: it adds some bite and taste, and turns it into an almost worthwhile beer. But lime or lemon is a bad idea–it usurps the flavor completely and makes Sol taste like weak lemonade.

Advertised as the original Mexican beach beer, Sol was supposedly named in 1899 by a German brew master who was inspired by the first rays of Mexican sunlight creeping over his brewing pot. And if Sol is good for anything, it’s good for a hot day at the beach.

But even then, there’s a great variety of Mexican beach beers to choose from–some cheaper than Sol–all of which taste like beer. Try one of those instead.

Party Value: 3/5

Class Value: 2/5

Taste Value: 1/5

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