Budweiser

It’s impossible to write a review of Budweiser this week without mentioning that Anheuser-Busch, the brewery that makes Budweiser, has just announced their intent to release a new beer: “Budweiser American Ale.”

So, question one: why is Budweiser putting out this new beer with a fancy name and a fancier bottle–dark brown with a beige label, an obvious attempt to look cultured–and who do they think will drink it? “Experimenters,” said an A-B spokesman, “drinkers who bounce around among various beers such as Yuengling, Fat Tire, Hoegaarden…and Budweiser.” Sure, every good Bud drinker keeps a case of Fat Tire in the fridge for special occasions, right? Right?

Okay, so that’s a little weird. But question two is: what does all that have to do with good old Budweiser, the King of Beers?

Here’s what: it’s irrefutable evidence that Budweiser is not, in fact, the King of Beers, and that A-B knows it. Kings don’t need stylish counterparts to win over their most devoted subjects. If Budweiser were really the King of Beers, A-B wouldn’t need “American Ale” to win over the people who actually taste their beer–a true King of Beers would appeal to frat boys and connoisseurs alike. No, Budweiser is more like the Slum Lord of beers, and the new “American Ale” is the snazzy suit-and-tie businessman it needs to keep its ties to “respectable” society.

Taste

But that’s okay–Budweiser has held its solid position as the best-of-the-worst for decades, and probably will for a long time yet. It’s a respectable role to play, and has (understandably) made it a favorite for many semi-serious drinkers. But when I drink a Budweiser, I taste very little worth mentioning at all. It’s a beer that’s sacrificed the the bite of the really shitty party beers, without ever attaining true flavor in return. Like the slum lord who longs to be part of the “respectable” world, its aspirations of grandeur are just a little repugnant.

Impressions

There’s nothing exactly wrong with Budweiser, and I certainly wouldn’t turn one down. But frankly, if I’m at a party I’d rather have PBR or Icehouse, and if I’m drinking on my own I’d rather have a Guinness or maybe a Blue Moon.

Party Value: 4.5/5

Taste Value: 2/5

Class Value: 2/5

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