Ice House

When I was about eight years old, my junior soccer league played its games every Saturday morning at Jackson Park, on the South Side of Chicago. I was the little kid who never quite cared enough about the game, and when I got subbed out (as I inevitably did), I occupied myself by collecting the beer bottle caps that were strewn around the park from the previous Friday night of ghetto outdoor partying. Already the little beer connoisseur, I liked to sort them by label, and each Saturday I tried to find as many different caps as possible. But the one cap I never lacked was Ice House. They were strewn around Jackson Park like fish in the ocean: urban remnants of parties thrown by people who just wanted to get wasted.

It cannot be denied: Ice House is the shit of the shit. If I had any self-respect as a beer critic, I would bash Ice House as the street trash it is. But I don’t, and I can’t–or at least I can’t just leave it at that. Because besides being a piece of shit, Ice House is an all-American beer, the beer of football fans and frat boys across our great nation. At 5.5% alcohol by volume it’s almost as alcoholic as some wine, so it packs an awesome kick. And most important of all–in a party beer at least–when I finish one, I want another.

True to its name, Ice House is an “ice beer,” which means that when they’re done making it they freeze it and skim a layer of ice off the top. Because water freezes at a lower temperature than alcohol, the ice they skim off is pure water, leaving the remaining beer with a stronger flavor and a higher alcohol content. Although this process is similar to German “Eisbock” beer, it didn’t catch on strong in North America until Canadian Labatt patented it in the ’80s–and not in the United States until the ’90s.

But whatever its history, the first and only thing I taste in Ice House is beer–pure, cold, carbonated beer. I don’t taste hops or malts, nothing bitter or sweet, no wheat or chocolate or caramel… and that’s just fine with me. It’s nice after a hard day of outside work (this is called a “lawnmower beer” for a reason!) to have a beer that doesn’t make you think. Its high alcohol content and decent taste make it my party beer of choice, and I could easily drink a six-pack without noticing.

But one warning: never nurse this beer! Everything rides on the carbonation–if you let it get flat it tastes like piss. Drink your Ice House like a man, or not at all.

Class Value: 0/5

 

 

Party Value: 5/5

 

 

Taste Value: 3/5

 

 

Rising beer prices squeezing customers

Industrialization has its perks, such as greater demand for exports and more choices for consumers. Except when that demand causes prices to rise on commodities that people hold dear.

The rising costs of grain, fuel and even water are pushing up the price of beer between five and ten percent this year. So far this year, hops alone have risen between five- and eight-hundred percent due to bad weather and the increased planting of corn for ethanol in the United States. Supplies of hops are down six percent this year alone.

This crunch for brewers is passed on to the consumer, either at the liquor store or the bar. The average price bars pay for a bottle of beer has risen from $1.12 to $1.18 and kegs have risen 20 percent as well.

When the price of a premium pint reaches $6, it might be too much for consumers who look for other alternatives, which again hurts smaller producers who are feeling the commodity price surge the most.

Without a substantial drop in fuel costs or a good harvest, the price of that amber nectar of the gods will continue to rise, potentially forcing consumers to forego the bar and drink Busch instead of Samuel Adams.

Bottle service banned in Boston

For groups of guys looking to get into a hot club, shelling out bones for the VIP-section and bottle service is a must. Unless you happen to be going out in Boston.

The city’s Puritan roots have returned to squash the luxury service most clubs offer. The bottle service phenomenon, where a waitress sits by your table to help pour drinks from high-end bottles of liquor and non-alcoholic mixers, is under threat by the Boston Licensing Board. Board Chairman Dan Pokaski said that the service violates Massachusetts’ happy hour law that prohibits the sale of more than two drinks to any one customer at a given time.

Club owners say that customers buy bottles not for excessive libation, but as a less hectic method for a group of clients to get drinks without having to fight the crowd at the bar.

There have been several crackdowns at Boston-area clubs, but recently club owners are obeying the ban and losing out on their lucrative high-end service.

VIP service in Boston clubs is still allowed, but no bottles of liquor are allowed, helping to depress waitresses’ tips and force serious club-goers away.

So next time you are in Boston, make sure to leave the bottle at home.

The Greatest DVD Ever, is the Greatest DVD Ever

IF YOU LIKE TO POWER HOUR (and I know you do) BUY THIS DVD.

By the end of our trial, I was too wasted to remember everything I saw. All I know was that that DVD made me wet.

The first clip we saw was the classic American Pie scene with Nadia’s tits. Talk about best opening to a power hour ever. Normally I have to wait until about shot 80 in a century to see tits. The scenes you get in this DVD are all classic and all worth watching again and again and again. From what I can remember you get to see Groundhog’s Day, Kingpin, The Big Lebowski, Fast Times, Dazed and Confused, Old School, Wedding Crashers, Dumb and Dumber, Friday, and Caddy Shack.

The DVD has 200 clips on it that randomizes EVERY TIME you play it. This way, you’ll never experience the same power hour each time. The one thing that repeats are Simpsons clips (about beer of course) that play in between every movie clip to show you what number shot you’re on.

If you aren’t sold yet, I’ll give you a little spoiler. Your power hour will end with a Rocky clip.

Seriously, go to www.greatestdvdever.com and buy one now.

Know What You Drink: Beginner’s Guide to the Different Types of Beer

Beer. Ale, Lager, Porter, Stout, Malt, Pilsner. Those are words which I think describe types of beer, but who actually knows what they mean?

The Internet knows, that’s who, and now so can you. Because being a college drinker is about more than just drinking, it is our responsibility to know about the beverage we love so much. So we’ve created a very broad overview. There are many intricacies to beer, but we want to hook you up with some basics first.

The next time some snooty partygoer tries to call you out on being a dumb drunk, you can slap some knowledge in their face and let them know you’re a pretty smart drunk.

 

There are two major types of beer: Lagers and Ales. The difference is defined by what type of yeast is used.

Lagers: yeast ferments at the bottom, colder temperatures, slower brewing.
Ales: yeast ferments at the top, warmer temperatures, faster brewing.

Lagers are generally lighter in color
Ales are generally darker. Except for Pale Ales, which are lighter.

Examples of Lagers: Budweiser, Miller, Coors, Corona, Heineken
Examples of Ales: Guinness, Sierra Nevada, Goose Island

Also, there are subcategories of Ales:

Porters and Stouts are the really dark beers like Guinness, and refer essentially to the same thing.

Then there are Pale Ales, like Sierra Nevada and Goose Island.

Pilsner is a type of Lager that’s really light, that’s what Heineken and Stella Artois are.

Malt is not a type of beer. Malting is the process that happens to cereal grains before they get used to make beer. Malt Liquor is of course a staple of the college drinker diet, and refers to beers that have higher alcohol contents.

Alright so there you have it, now you know a little more about the beer you drink. There’s a lot more to say about types of beers, but that will have to wait. Right now I think I’m going to crack open a nice Stout Ale, and maybe later I’ll play some pong games with a few classic American Lagers.

Fat Tire

No, I don’t know why it’s called “Fat Tire.”

The fine print on the label says that it’s “named in honor of [New Belgium founder] Jeff’s mountain bike trip from brewery to brewery through Europe,” which would be an adequate explanation for a beer named Flat Tire, but…what the hell is a “fat tire” anyway? Must be an inside joke. Oh well, on to more important things.

This is a dark amber beer, a little bitter but nothing extreme. It’s very bready, you might say earthy, with a distinct burned taste underneath. If you like your toast or your hot dogs just a little burned (or if you were the little kid who always lit his marshmallow on fire and ate it anyway) you’ll definitely like this beer. It’s also a very pretty color, kind of a dark gold, so if you want to impress someone make sure to pour it into a nice clear glass.

In case you couldn’t tell from its name, Fat Tire is a beer of choice for travelers. It’s brewed in Colorado, and I imagine a lot of hikers there come off the trail and pick up a six-pack of this. It’s a good beer to relax over–not something to chug down, but you can definitely drink more than a few of these if you’re in the mood. And it’s a relatively rare beer–more than a few people have asked me where they can get some–so if you have the chance, try a few.

Party Value: 2.5/5

 

 

Class Value: 3.5/5

 

 

Taste Value: 3.5/5

 

 

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