Ice House

When I was about eight years old, my junior soccer league played its games every Saturday morning at Jackson Park, on the South Side of Chicago. I was the little kid who never quite cared enough about the game, and when I got subbed out (as I inevitably did), I occupied myself by collecting the beer bottle caps that were strewn around the park from the previous Friday night of ghetto outdoor partying. Already the little beer connoisseur, I liked to sort them by label, and each Saturday I tried to find as many different caps as possible. But the one cap I never lacked was Ice House. They were strewn around Jackson Park like fish in the ocean: urban remnants of parties thrown by people who just wanted to get wasted.

It cannot be denied: Ice House is the shit of the shit. If I had any self-respect as a beer critic, I would bash Ice House as the street trash it is. But I don’t, and I can’t–or at least I can’t just leave it at that. Because besides being a piece of shit, Ice House is an all-American beer, the beer of football fans and frat boys across our great nation. At 5.5% alcohol by volume it’s almost as alcoholic as some wine, so it packs an awesome kick. And most important of all–in a party beer at least–when I finish one, I want another.

True to its name, Ice House is an “ice beer,” which means that when they’re done making it they freeze it and skim a layer of ice off the top. Because water freezes at a lower temperature than alcohol, the ice they skim off is pure water, leaving the remaining beer with a stronger flavor and a higher alcohol content. Although this process is similar to German “Eisbock” beer, it didn’t catch on strong in North America until Canadian Labatt patented it in the ’80s–and not in the United States until the ’90s.

But whatever its history, the first and only thing I taste in Ice House is beer–pure, cold, carbonated beer. I don’t taste hops or malts, nothing bitter or sweet, no wheat or chocolate or caramel… and that’s just fine with me. It’s nice after a hard day of outside work (this is called a “lawnmower beer” for a reason!) to have a beer that doesn’t make you think. Its high alcohol content and decent taste make it my party beer of choice, and I could easily drink a six-pack without noticing.

But one warning: never nurse this beer! Everything rides on the carbonation–if you let it get flat it tastes like piss. Drink your Ice House like a man, or not at all.

Class Value: 0/5

 

 

Party Value: 5/5

 

 

Taste Value: 3/5

 

 

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