Remember Names Even When You’re Wasted
February 21, 2008
83% of Americans report that they are “bad with names.â€
It’s a problem in the professional world, and arguably an even bigger problem in college social life. We meet so many people all the time that it’s impossible to keep track of them all. Especially when alcohol is in the picture, these people are lucky if you remember their existence, let alone their name. Now I know that you’re awesome, and these people are puny and insignificant compared to you, but every person you don’t remember is one less friend/job connection/hookup.
Lucky for you, over the years I’ve discovered some easy ways to remember these people. Or at least pretend you remember them.
Say my name say my name
Best way to remember someone’s name is to actually use it. Most names that get forgotten are forgotten within the first 8 seconds. If you say the person’s name once or twice while you still know it, your chances of remembering it are exponentially higher. If you meet a guy named Charlie, instead of saying “nice to meet you†or “get off my foot, assholeâ€, say “nice to meet you Charlie,†or “get off my foot, Charlie.â€
Pay attention
Most names get forgotten because we’re just not paying attention. People say their names and it goes in one ear and out the other. At the beginning of the conversation, when most names get said, you don’t really care what their name is. You have no reason to believe that they are worth remembering yet. But even if they never prove to be interesting, dull people can still be very useful to know.
Plus, people will just like you more if you remember them, and the more people that like you, the more people will have sex with you. So, when you’re meeting a new person, take a second to look at them. Identify a facial feature that makes them stand out and register it. I say facial feature because, believe it or not, more than one girl has huge boobs, and they don’t like being confused for each other on that basis.
Hey, You, good to see you too, Dude
Sometimes it’s just too late. Somebody starts talking to you around campus who you’re pretty sure you’ve never seen before. Your first task is to figure out where you know them from. Hopefully they’ll mention something that will give you a clue. if not, be subtle. Be like “wow it’s been awhile.†If they met you last night this will come across as sarcastic, and you’ll be able to pick up on it when their response is “oh yeah, like 12 whole hours.†If you can figure out when and where you met them, then you don’t have to feel bad. Chances are they don’t remember your name either and you can just ask. Or - and this is what I do - just have meaningless conversations involving no specifics whenever you see them, until finally you’re pretty much friends, and then hopefully they’ll Facebook you.
Decision 08: Which Candidate Would You Party With?
February 19, 2008
When deciding on whom to vote for, we suggest that you should think about whom you would most like to drink/party with out of all the contenders.
With a woman, a black man, a moderate Republican and a Jesus Freak as the frontrunners, this 2008 presidential race is undeniably monumental. And with an election as historic as this one, it is more important than ever to get to know the candidates for who they really are.
Sure, reading over the candidates’ policies on a variety of issues like education and gun control is one way to go about it. But judging a president shouldn’t be based solely on policies and issues and numbers. It should be based on looks, charisma, and other superficial traits. This is a great way to get past all that murky credential and qualification stuff and get right to the heart of the presidential race.
Here is a profile of the candidates to assist you in your decision-making:
Drink of Choice: Cosmopolitan
We chose the Cosmopolitan because of its feminine appeal, but its also strong….like a man.
What she would do at a party: Even at a party, Hillary is all business. She would probably pass around a few tequila shots, and maybe drunk dial a few lobbyists and superdelegates as the night goes on. She’ll spend at least an hour bragging about how she will buy everyone at the party free drinks while Obama would only buy some of them free drinks. And if by the end of the night she hasn’t won over the young college crowd she would probably whore out Chelsea (Hillary will now never debate on Collegedrinker.com)
6 – the number of shots it would take before Hillary is standing on a table, swinging her pants-suit jacket around in the air.
Drink of Choice: Keystone….lots of them
Obama is all about efficiency, cutting the deficit while keeping everyone happy (except for old white rich guys), and Keystone is surely the best bang for your buck. He also wants a drink that shows he can relate to the working class…..not that he necessarily cares about the struggling working class, he just reallllllllyyy wants Edward’s endorsement.
What he would do at a party: Lines of coke….just kidding… but seriously. But Obama would party hard. He would probably play a little beer pong, maybe make a few motivational speeches to pump up his team. He would try to win people over by smiling a lot, and would end the night by making a drunk speech about Change, but he would pass out before he ever tells you what exactly he is going to change.
897 – Number of times Obama says the words “Change†or “Hope†in one night of drinking.
Drink of Choice: Prune Juice….with Scotch
We chose prune juice because McCain is old as shit, and almost always looks constipated.
What he would do at a party: He would most likely hang out by the keg, and try to engage young college students in conversation by telling old POW stories. Once he sees that the students are drunk enough, he’ll have them fill out the paperwork to join the army so he can ship them to Iraq for the next 100 years.
4 – number of shots it would take for him to piss in his Depends diapers.
Drink of Choice: Manischewitz wine….Just kidding, it would probably be the blood of Jesus….with rum
What he would do at a party: He would play Apples to Apples, make a few jokes, and when everyone is drunk enough, he would go into his Health Care policy, which includes a combination of Jesus healing people and magical gumdrops.
3 – Number of Jesus jokes you can make before Huckabee teams up with Chuck Norris to kick your ass.
Who the fuck is this guy?
And there you have it. Choose wisely, but keep in mind that you should probably look into their policies just a little before voting, because when America votes for the best drinking buddy, we get presidents like James Buchanan, Ulysses S. Grant, Warren G. Harding, and (the early years of) George W. Bush.
Labatt Blue Review
February 18, 2008
Expert Rating: 2.5/5
User’s warning: if you or your friends exhibit a sudden desire to play hockey, cease use immediately and switch to an American beer as soon as possible.
Just kidding. But Labatt Blue is the best-selling beer in Canada, and, like Canada, there’s nothing exactly wrong with it–but there’s really nothing good to say about it either. It’s a smooth, nondescript beer that will fair decently in any situation, but won’t ever impress anyone either. It doesn’t have a bad taste, because it doesn’t really have much taste at all.
Sam Adams Irish Red
February 17, 2008
Expert Rating: 4.5/5
When you want a beer you want a beer, but when you want something that tastes like a rainy Sunday spent around a fireplace in the Old Country, something a little sweet and a little bitter, something so down-to-earth you can almost taste the soil the hops grew in–then you want an Irish Red.
This is a beer you can bring over to your buddy’s place to watch the game, to your parents’ friend’s place for dinner, or put a few in the fridge when your girlfriend’s coming over. It’s fun with an edge of sophistication–not a beer for the freshman who’s just drinking to get drunk–and underneath the regular bitter tang of a light beer you can actually taste that caramel twist you’ve always heard about.
This beer has a warm taste, so enjoy it in late fall or winter, especially after a long walk home in the snow. Decent with food but better alone, and great with a shot of good whiskey if that’s your style. This is the beer to get you through the winter, gentlemen.
How do you rate Samuel Adams Irish Red? Let us know in the comments.
Vodka and Red Bull: The Night Saver
February 16, 2008
I used to wonder how my friends would would have the energy to be dancing to bad house music at 7am after a long night out.
Then I started drinking Vodka Red Bulls.
I didn’t even like vodka at all until I tried it with Red Bull. If I take a straight shot I usually fight off a bad face for about a minute. This might have to do with the fact that it tastes like hairspray scented cologne.
A friend of mine once filled a bottle of Grey Goose with Smirnoff and at his party everyone couldn’t stop talking about how much better the “Grey Goose” tasted. This doesn’t say much for my friend, but it doesn’t say much for vodka lovers either.
The Vodka Red Bull
So I found a new respect for vodka when my friend ordered me a Vodka Red Bull. The Vodka Red Bull is usually served 5:1 ratio in a high balls glass. Finally the tastes of both vodka and Red Bull gave way to a calmer mix- which is good since vodka had been pretty hard to avoid especially in the club scene. The best part was that the Red Bull gave me an extra push to keep going longer into the night. [Read more]
Valentine’s Day Chocolate
February 14, 2008
Skip the box of chocolates. That’s little boy stuff! You’re a MAN! Go for the chocolate beer! 10.6% abv!
For our review of chocolate stout (not this one…): Click here
Recent Comments