“Beer Drinker of the Year” Crowned

Matt Venzke, of Virginia, became the 12th recipient of the coveted title “Beer Drinker of the Year.” This is the second year in a row someone from Virginia won the title. Venzke is an aircraft maintenance manager. This is his fourth time entering the contest. Last year was a semifinalist.

From the press release:

“For four years now,” Venzke said, “it’s been a dream of mine to win the Beerdrinker of the Year title. It’s great to now be recognized by the judges and previous winners. I’m proud to be among this very select group of beer lovers.”

“I feel like I’ve been given a flag to carry,” Venzke adds, “for all of the great things beer has to offer.”

Venzke’s home beer bar is The Taphouse on Queensway in Hampton, Virginia. He is the second straight Virginia resident to win the competition. (Diane Catanzaro of Norfolk, Virginia was the 2007 Beerdrinker of the Year.)

Venzke beat out finalists J Mark Angelus (of Nehalem, Oregon) and Richard Pedretti-Allen (McKinney, Texas). He landed the title with a combination of impressive beer drinking experiences, humor and beer ambassadorship.

Venzke’s resume boasted of many beer drinking experiences. Venzke has visited 454 breweries in 69 nations and 39 states. Over the past five years, he has recorded tasting notes on over 3200 different beers in 69 different styles.

He logged 3,000 miles in 2007 while traveling to breweries across North America. While stationed in alcohol-free Kuwait on a military deployment a few years ago, Venzke conducted a tasting of 17 non-alcohol beers.

Questions from the Finals judges elicited some revealing info from Venzke. When asked what he’s doing to get around the current ban on carry-on beer for US air travelers, Venzke winkingly cited an upcoming effort to petition US brewers to start packaging beer in 3-ounce portions.

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Everyone’s gotten a wall post they wish no one had ever seen…

 

I was lying fast asleep in my bed last Tuesday afternoon following a night of heavy drinking and debauchery - but mostly just heavy drinking - when suddenly the blaring sound of my alarm clock awoke me.

I smacked my alarm clock and rolled out of bed.

Before I stumbled into the shower, I decided to check my e-mail. And to my surprise, I had 2 new e-mails from Facebook telling me about a new friend request and a new wall post. The friend request was from a girl I absolutely did not remember talking to at the party I attended, but I was guessing she was there.

The morning-after friend requests are more of a Freshman syndrome, and as a Junior, I certainly raised an eyebrow, but since I’ll do anything to boost my friend count, I accepted the friendship anyway. Then my attention turned to the remaining notification. It was a new wall post from the very same girl and it read as follows: “I loved that thing you did with your tongue!”

My first reaction was utter astonishment.

Who the fuck writes that on a wall? It was clearly meant for a private Facebook message, not a public wall post….C’MON! My second reaction was intrigue. Not only did I not remember this girl, but I had no fucking clue what she was talking about. What could I have done with my tongue? Maybe I showed her how I can roll my tongue into the shape of a crab, I thought. People do love when I do that. But then my mind went to the dirtier things I could have done with my tongue.

And when I looked at how ugly this girl was in her profile picture (think of a cross between Bette Midler and Kathy Griffith), I became mortified. I don’t even remember this girl but my entire reputation could be on the line because of some wall post. Needless to say, I deactivated from Facebook - something that I should have done after freshman year when all the hot girls on Facebook changed to closed profiles anyway.

Now, without Facebook for one week, I am proud to say that I am still very much alive and doing better than ever without the painful memories of my shameful hookups to haunt me in any digital form.

In Conclusion:

1. Morning-after friend requests, while sometimes flattering, are an utter waste of everyone’s time

2. Morning-after wall posts containing some kind of inside joke comes off as creepy

3. Don’t poke….Ever.

Pro Athlete Injured for 3 Months in 7 Hour Drinking Binge

Jesse Ryder, a professional cricket player from New Zealand gave himself a right-hand injury that will sideline him for 3 months when he smashed a window during a seven-hour drinking binge.

Apparently, Ryder was out celebrating his team’s victory over England when he smashed the window while trying to get into a locked toilet in a Christchurch bar.

The injury was severe enough to require surgery, which will keep the athlete on the sidelines for 3 months.

The 23-year-old has a history of excessive drinking, but no disciplinary measures are being taken by the team.  The team’s manager said the injury is punishment enough.

Can you imagine if this happened to a pro athlete in America!?!  Think they’d let it slide with a simple “the injury is punishment enough?”

Miller Lite Review

Expert Rating: 2.5/5

 

 

At four of the last five beer world cups, Miller Lite has received the Gold Award for best American-Style Light Lager. Which begs the question–why does it still taste like ass?

But it’s okay, because if you wanted it to taste good you wouldn’t have bought it. You don’t drink Miller Lite because you want to sample “a stylish brew, with a smooth, firm body and a lingering malty sweetness”–you drink it because it’s only the second quarter and dammit, you’re thirsty! Right? Right.

Miller Lite is highly carbonated, mostly tasteless, and eerily has no smell at all. Don’t waste time or energy pouring it into a glass, because it won’t make a difference. The only way to improve the taste of Miller Lite is to get drunk on something else before you start, which is highly recommended.

This is your quintessential cheap beer, so drink it how it’s meant to be drunk: in huge quantity, out of plastic cups. This is your party beer, your beer pong beer, your I’m-too-drunk-to-taste-it-anyway beer. So don’t skimp.

How do you rate Miller Lite?  Let us know with a comment!

Red Stripe - Jamaican lager

Expert Rating: 3.5/5

 

 

My girlfriend took one sip of this and said, “Oh. This is a dad beer.”

And sure enough, this beer is more likely to impress your dad than your girlfriend. (You know that momentous first time when you’re watching the game with him and he offers to go pick up a six-pack…suggest this!) It’s a man’s beer–a good strong taste with a kind of depth to it that it’s hard to put your finger on. It’s not quite interesting enough to be called exotic, but it’s definitely not what you’re used to either.

Red Stripe is a good beer, but it’s not a good beer to get drunk on. Enjoy one at a barbecue (of the six I drank the one I enjoyed most was with chicken wings) or a day at the beach, preferably while listening to Bob Marley on an outdated boom box. If you have to incorporate it into the party scene, use it as a pre-gamer.

Overall, Red Stripe is a little too expensive to be your regular beer, and a lot too expensive to get you all the way through a big night. But it’s a little different, and it tastes pretty good.

How do you rate Red Stripe?  Let us know in the comments.

Alcoholic Energy Drink Marketing Under Investigation

A group of several state attorneys general has subpoenaed internal documents from Anheuser-Busch and Miller related to their marketing of alcoholic energy drinks.

The group, which among others includes attorneys general from Maine, Maryland, Iowa, Arizona and New York, first challenged these products when they wrote a letter to the federal Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau – the people who approve the labels on these products – asking it to investigate misleading marketing claims made by products such as Miller’s Sparks and A-B’s Bud Extra.

Pushing for More Taxes

The attorneys general singled out these two brands, as well as a third brand called Charge Beverages, for having “taken advantage of youth appeal by engaging in aggressive marketing campaigns… [that] claim that such beverages increase a person’s stamina or energy level. However, they do not mention the potentially severe, adverse consequences of mixing caffeine with alcohol.”

They also asked that the bureau investigate whether these beverages ought to be taxed as distilled spirits, instead of as malt-beverages like they currently are. Such a classification would have lead to the cost of these products greatly increasing in most states. However, the bureau found that they were taxed correctly.

Drink Makers Say They Are Not to Blame

The caffeinated alcoholic beverage market was alive well before Bud Extra and Sparks came to the market: just think about the Vodka Red Bull or the Rum and Coke, staples of this cocktail category.  A-B responded to the subpoenas by saying, “If the attorneys general truly believe that – despite the state and federal regulatory approvals – alcohol and caffeine should not be mixed, they should use their powers to persuade these authorities to regulate or ban all such beverages, not just the lower-alcohol, prepackaged ones.”

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