Case Race Strategy to WIN

With this strategy, you can’t lose (probably)

The case race is a superb pregame. It’s fratty to no end, it’s competitive, and it’s a fantastic excuse for wanton binge drinking. Unfamiliar with the case race?

Find two of your closest (and, preferably, largest) friends, and a thirty pack of beer. Now drink it as fast as you can. Usually, you compete against other teams of three, but there’s no shame in doing some team scrimmage.

In any case, after dozens of case races, experienced in wins and losses both, I’ve decided to release my strategy to the masses. Follow my thought process, and I promise you’ll do well.

Prior to seeing this Busch Light-themed Art of War, let me reiterate the rules:

RULES OF THE CASE RACE:

1. You cannot puke. If someone boots, the team is DQ.
2. All beers must be accounted for at the end of the game. If you can only show 26 of 30 beer cans at the end, DQ.
3. No beer bongs.
4. The beers can be divided in any fashion (10-10-10, 12-12-6, 29-1-0, etc)

Everyone on the same page? Good. Here we go, beer-by beer:

Beer 1: It’s the first beer. You’ve got this. Shotgun it.

Beer 2: Alright, here we go. You’ve warmed up the stomach with beer 1. Hopefully, you didn’t eat too much prior to this.

Beer 3: Start shit-talking. “Hey douchebag: it’s not too late to start switching to wine coolers. Yeah, I’m talking to you.” What a pussy.

Beer 4: SHOTGUN!!!!

Beer 5: Oh man. That didn’t feel too good. Let’s sit down on the couch. Ughh.

Beer 6: “This is a case race, man. You’ve got to keep on going. This is a case race, man. Like, a race. Am I repeating myself? Shit. I think I’m getting drunk.”

Beer 7: Never forget, case races are made for shit-talking. “We should have started these women out on Zimas. Look, they’ve still got like two beers left! …Oh shit, they’re winning!! Start drinking!”

Beer 8: You just sent out your first text looking for ass*. Because you’re drunk. And it’s only 9:30. Case races get you wasted. Don’t stop now.

Beer 9: “Bro, this is like my 13^th beer. For sure. I’ve been counting.”

Beer 9: “How is this not done yet? I’m so wasted. You guys are such pussies. My team sucks.”

Beer 9: Yeah, it’s still the same beer. Think of case races as a marathon, not a sprint. Keep on going. This is like mile 27…or 23… whatever. I’ve never ran a marathon.

Beer 10: SHOTGUN!!!!

Beers 2-10: Puked all over couch, team mates, cell phone.

Whatever, man. Victory’s yours. It’s the sweetest feeling that you’re ever going to brown out.

*[Ha ha where are u? lets meet up sex?]

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