Seasonal Brew: Pick The Right Beer All Year

‘Tis the season to be jolly… and a little shwasty.

How many of you guys have noticed that with the change of the season there also comes a change in the label of your favorite beer’s special brew? If you answered no, then just stop reading now because I offer up this information only to the true beer connoisseur.

For you see while every beer has its own secret recipe, they all follow the same formula for what kind of beer to make each season. So without further ado, I present to you exactly what you should be drinking as the world spins around that fireball moves across the sky not only when I’m drunk, but surprisingly when I’m sober too.

Winter
When you’re trying to warm yourself up when you’re trapped in watching the big game you’ll wanna grab something strong and spicy. Heavy stouts, porters and chocolate ales are popular in cold weather. Beer companies try to have their beer match the box of chocolate you’ll get for Christmas/Chanukah/Valentine’s Day/Your Hungry Fat Ass.

Spring
When the flowers pop up, bust out a bock beer. For those of you who don’t know what a bock is (amateur) these are strong, rich lagers. These beers have a warm feel to them that should crack off the icicles you might carry around before the heat really gets turned up.

Summer
Summer time is when all you want is something refreshing to beat that beach heat buzz. So you’re going to wanna grab a white beer. These are lighter in both body and color. Most are made from wheat or fruit. This is the most refreshing beer you’re going to buy all year.

Fall
Oktoberfest! Can’t live without it, can’t live without it. This festival is so great that the fall beers follow it’s lead. Oktoberfest beers are heavier than summer beers and are amber to red in color. Among these you’ll also find an abundance of specialty beers usually taking the jack-o-lantern you recklessly carved like a jackass and spicing up your tall one with it.

So now that you know what you should buy when, show off your pretentious knowledge with words like bock and stout and amber and the and laugh when you’re buddy busts out a dusty batch of chocolate ale at your 4th of July tailgate. You’re better than that.

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