First Hookup: Drunk or Sober?

You’ve all experienced it. The dreaded morning-after. You wake up to find yourself in complete disarray, with the whole room reeking of potent perfume, cigarette smoke and sweat. Evidence of last night’s activities are strewn across the floor— a hot pink Victoria’s Secret thong, a pair of boxers and those painful four-inch stilettos she insisted on wearing to the bar last night.

And for the girls, it’s having to wake up next to him. He’s the boy you’ve been crushing on for weeks. The one who distracts you so much during biology class that you have no idea how many carpels a tomato has but know the precise number of freckles that dot his tanned cheeks. The cutie you planned to bring as your date to your next sorority function.

But now? You know it’s over before it even began. Ashamedly, you slither out of bed, clothe yourself and tell him you have to run to class. He murmurs goodbye and rolls over to go back to bed.

WHAT’S YOUR NAME AGAIN?

Hooking up with someone for the first time drunk is never a good idea if you want something long-term. The fact that they knows your favorite sexual position but can’t recall your last name is not a promising sign. And don’t dare fall for the trick when they ask you to enter your number into their cell yourself because they just “have no clue how to spell your name.” It’s equally bad if you try to pull this trick on them. I’ve done it and the response was not good. “Are you serious? How many ways can you spell Dave?” he asked me. Not a good way to punctuate an already awkward situation.

The logic is simple. Guys want what they can’t have. They love the chase. If they can strip a girl down to her panties after only a few Amaretto Sours, she’s just too easy.

If you’re a girl, immediately, you’ve proved yourself booty call material. Prepare to receive drunken texts at 3 a.m. asking your whereabouts. Besides those occasions, they probably could care less if you’re lying in a ditch or not.

AWKWARD….YEAH…

So is the possibility of dating eliminated if you start things off with a drunken hookup? In most cases yes. You’ll both be too embarrassed to pursue anything. Would you really want to sit through a lunch date discussing religious views or politics or something, both knowing full well you’ve seen each other naked?

To avoid awkwardness, one or both parties will pretend nothing happened. If you’re both cruel, you won’t even acknowledge the other’s existence in public.

EXCEPTIONS

But sometimes dating can develop out of a random hookup. If you like each other enough to take your rendezvous beyond the bar scene, there is potential. My guy friends actually prefer taking this route to serious dating. According to them, alcohol alleviates awkwardness and can facilitate intimacy so they prefer being tipsy when they make the first move. If they enjoy the girl’s company (beyond the physical component), they’ll hook up with her a few more times and then ask her out on a formal date.

Though there is no hard and fast rule to secure a date with your crush after an unplanned, alcohol-induced encounter, chances are if you’ve spent more time shagging than actually conversing, you can kiss romance goodbye.

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